RE: Phone call I had with WG one year ago today.

[HowieMCO]

Hi everyone:

Today is my birthday and it has been a sad one for me so far. Last year on my B-day WG called me very early in the morning and I thought it was to wish me a happy b-day but that was far from what happened that morning he called me. I picked up the call and he was on the other end screaming at the top of his lungs and losing it so bad. We was walking home from work on Sunset out of his mind. I had NEVER been in such a panic in my life on a call from him. I was trying to clam him down while I was scared that he was going to do something stupid. I was telling me he was going to jump in front of a bus on Sunset. I was trying to get him to relax but he was having no part of this from me. I told him he had prefect timing because it was my b-day and he went crazy on me. He was so mad at me for telling him that I still have no idea why. He told me he did not care it was my B-day but I knew he was a mess and he was not of sound mind. That is what I tell myself so I can feel a bit better.

He was so confused and just not making any since of life and where he was at this point. As he was screaming at me on my cell phone while I was using my home phone to call Geoff Green his brother to tell him that WG was losing it and we had to help him out ASAP. After I called Geoff he called his parents and then they called George Green who lived about one hour from WG. George got to WG condo and WG was so mad that he showed up and would not let George in or talk to him. After George left the Condo WG called me and was so mad at me for calling his parents. I told him that you can not call me at 6am out of your mind and in a panic and going to jump in front of a bus. What do you want me to do just go back to bed and not worry about you all day? After that day it felt like WG lost trust in me for calling his brother. It was not the same after that for me and him. He was on his downward spiral and then he really made it to reach him and help.

I wish that that I could get his voice out of my head today but it is just not working. Went to play some ice hockey this afternoon and that did not help at all. This is not the way I want to do my B-day, I am so down and still can not believe that we had this call one year ago. I miss him so much that all I can do is shake my head and ask why over and over again. Such a waste, man I hope that I can find some peace today because all I can do is hear him yelling in my head all day long today and that makes me so sad.

Peace,

Howie

[HowieMCO]

Hey there Sweetie: Thanks for making me feel ok with this. I have never had something that has weighed so much on my heart. It just grabs you and holds on for a while then it let’s up. It is heavy poo for all of us. I feel all of everybody pain too. I do appreciate your love and honesty. I knew he was not in a good way for a long time but it is so hard to see him this way when I knew the sweet kid he was.
I am going to be ok once I get through today. Thanks for being true to me and for all the support. Talked to Mr. Green today and he sends his love to you too. Keep rocking and I will let you know when I am headed to Cally for a meeting. We will go out for a drink and some laughs.
Love you so much.
Thanks again for all the support.

XO Howie

[Mia Heldt]

I just reread this and Howie.....Wendell was NOT okay. He needed help and you tried to help him but he refused and that is NOT your fault. You did the right thing and you always have to remember that. We all tried. He even got violent with ME and I had to walk away. Find peace in your heart that you tried.

[HowieMCO]

You are the BEST, very ture words and it has help me get past it a bit Emily. I am good for now, worked it off on the ice and in the gym. Time is moving fast and one year is right around block. Getting perpared for this already. I think i am cried out for a few months after last week, I hope.
I am going to be home the last week of July. Philly and LBI on the weekend. Nervers about LBI and seeing the house. Man it gives me the chills.
What is going on with you, are you doing anything for the summer?
Stay in touch ESDD.
Thanks again.
LOVE ALWAYS!

Howie

[Emily Sarah Downs Doscher]

Hang in there Howard... your birthday is about you. Celebrate your life and enjoy all that it has to offer. Continue to see beyond the chaos and live it up! Happy Belated.